4.1 Introduction
When we discuss ways of improving self-confidence, we also need to talk about improving self-esteem and self-efficacy, as they are all related concepts. We’ll start this chapter by looking at some tools you can put into practice whenever you need a quick confidence boost. Next we’ll look at how to build lasting self-confidence through building self-esteem and self-efficacy. By enhancing these attributes, your self-confidence will naturally develop and will show itself in your actions and behaviors. You will no longer have to ‘fake it until you make it’ – instead you will actually be more self-confident at work and in other areas of your life.
4.2 10 Tips to Improve Self-Confidence Instantly
There are times when we need to feel more confident to face a situation at work. Maybe you are going to give a major presentation or you want to ask your boss for a raise. You don’t necessarily feel as self-confident as you’d like, but you can follow these tips to give you that extra boost of self-confidence you need.
4.2.1 Dress Up
When you need to feel more confident, pay attention to how you are dressed. When you feel that you look your best, you are more likely to carry yourself with more confidence. You will find it easier to interact with others and you won’t be distracted by worrying about how you look. You don’t have to spend a great deal of money on a new wardrobe, but you can make a few small changes that can help you to appear ‘sharper.’ Get a modern haircut, make sure your clothes fit you properly and in a flattering manner, invest in a few great accessories, and make sure you are pressed and polished.
When you feel that you look your best, you are more likely to carry yourself with more confidence.
4.2.2 Step up the Pace
Next time you’re at work, take a moment to watch people and how they are walking. What does their walk communicate about them? Are they walking slowly, trudging along, with their head down? Or do they walk quickly, head up, with a pleasant smile on their face? You can feel more confident by walking with purpose wherever you go. You’re on a mission, with places to go and people to see! Walk about 25% faster than you normally would, with your head up and your energy flowing. You will start to feel more important and more confident.
Watch people walking by the next time you’re at work. What does their walk communicate about them?
4.2.3 Watch Your Posture
Just like with the discussion on walking above, the way you carry your body tells others a lot about how you feel about yourself. Are you slouching, slumping your shoulders, and looking pretty lethargic? Then you’re communicating to others that you don’t have a lot of self-confidence. Instead, practice good posture. Sit or stand upright with your head up and your shoulders back. Make eye contact with others in a friendly manner. You’ll feel more alert, more confident, and more powerful.
Practice good posture to feel more alert, more confident, and more powerful.
4.2.4 Personal Advertisement
Let’s say you’re having a really bad day. You made a mistake on that big presentation, your boss is not happy, and you feel like crawling under a rock until the weekend makes it around. What you need is a way to boost your self-confidence so you can take responsibility for the mistake and get in action around cleaning up any mess. This is where you could really use someone to boost you up with a motivational speech. But since you can’t rely on another person to say what you need to hear, you can do it for yourself.
A personal advertisement is a one minute or less speech that you write about yourself and all your strengths and abilities so you can refer to it whenever you need a confidence boost.
You should have a personal advertisement or commercial that you write about yourself. This is a short speech, less than a minute, which highlights everything that is great about you. You are writing an advertisement about yourself – so focus on your strengths, why you’re good at your job, and what you like about yourself. Whenever you have a moment where your self-confidence wanes, you can pull out your personal advertisement and read it to yourself – out loud in a mirror ideally, but you can always read it silently to yourself at your desk. This will help you remember that although you have made a mistake, you are still a great, valuable person with a lot to be proud of.
4.2.5 Practice Gratitude
Probably the fastest way to feel bad about yourself is to focus on what you don’t have, what you haven’t achieved, or to compare yourself to others that you feel have achieved more than you have. If you focus on what you haven’t achieved yet, you are bound to start listing your weaknesses as reasons for why you haven’t yet achieved those goals.
Instead, practice focusing on gratitude. Every day, write down a list of at least five things that you are proud of accomplishing, or things that you can be grateful for in your life. This could include relationships with people you love, your health, your educational achievements, your professional achievements, and any other positive aspects of your life. You could even keep a list with you in case you ever face a moment where it’s really difficult to focus on the positive. If you train yourself to focus on what you have to be grateful for, you will be amazed at how much more confident – and happier in general – you will feel.
Write down at least five things every day that you are grateful for and you will be training yourself to stay focused on the positive in your life and about yourself.
4.2.6 Pay People Compliments
There is one surefire way to surround ourselves in negativity – that’s to gossip about others. When we feel bad about ourselves, we often look for ways to project those feelings onto others by gossiping and insulting them behind their back. Instead, try disengaging from the gossip circle. Everyone has something valuable about them, so focus on that instead. Refuse to gossip about others, but instead, pay them compliments. The more you practice paying sincere compliments to others instead of focusing on their negative attributes you’ll be more likely to focus on your own positive attributes as well. By looking for the best in other people, you will bring out the best in yourself.
Try disengaging from the negative influence of gossip and instead focus on the positive in others by paying them compliments.
4.2.7 Sit Up Front
Avoiding the front row is a very common thing. Perhaps it comes from school when we didn’t want to be singled out by the teacher – particularly on a day we hadn’t completed an assignment. So we sat towards the back, hoping not to be noticed. But at work, sitting towards the back shows either disinterest or a lack of self-confidence. Instead, sit up at the front of the room. You will feel more confident doing this over time as you learn that there is nothing to be uncomfortable about. Plus, it doesn’t hurt to put yourself in the eyesight of some important people in your organization.
Sit in the front row to practice allaying fears of being noticed by other people and to start feeling more confident.
4.2.8 Speak Up
Many people are nervous about speaking up in group discussions. They may be afraid that others will judge them for what they say and they are concerned about looking bad or feeling stupid. However, we are usually amplifying this fear in our own minds – most of the time, people are much more accepting that we think they are. Particularly because most of the other people are likely dealing with the same fear.
We usually amplify the fear of speaking in front of others in our own mind – particularly because most other people are likely dealing with the same fear.
4.2.8 Speak Up
Many people are nervous about speaking up in group discussions. They may be afraid that others will judge them for what they say and they are concerned about looking bad or feeling stupid. However, we are usually amplifying this fear in our own minds – most of the time, people are much more accepting that we think they are. Particularly because most of the other people are likely dealing with the same fear.
We usually amplify the fear of speaking in front of others in our own mind – particularly because most other people are likely dealing with the same fear.
Make it a game with yourself. Decide that you will speak up at least one time in every group discussion that you’re in. You’ll find that it gets easier in time. You’ll be improving your public speaking skills and will feel more and more confident in sharing your opinions and ideas in front of other people. In fact, in time, you may even begin to be seen as a leader by your peers and supervisors if you continue sharing and contributing to group discussions.
4.2.9 Exercise
Feeling low about yourself? Take a hike. Or a walk, or a bike ride, or go work out in the gym. Not only is exercise a great way to blow of stress, but setting and achieving physical fitness goals is an excellent way to feel better about your abilities. You’ll feel proud as you reach each milestone you set for yourself. Plus, you will feel more energized and probably more attractive as well – both of which can help improve your self-confidence.
Exercise not only relieves stress, but achieving your physical fitness goals is an excellent way to feel better about your abilities.
4.2.10 Focus on Contributing
In a similar vein to thinking about what you have to be grateful for, another way to keep from focusing on the negative in the world (and about yourself) is to focus on the contributions that you can make to the workplace and to others. When you shift your focus to what you give instead of what you get or how you are perceived, you will stop worrying so much about yourself. Plus, if you can help others or contribute in some positive way, it will simply make you feel good. For all of these reasons, focusing on what you contribute will help to boost your self-confidence.
When you shift your focus to what you give instead of what you get or how you are perceived, you will stop worrying so much about yourself.
4.3 Building Self-Esteem at Work
Self-esteem is an excellent barrier to depression and other negative emotions. Yet it can be difficult to both build and maintain. However, research has shown that the more roles people fill in their lives, the more self-esteem they have. This means that our work role is one opportunity for building self-esteem.
Our work role is an excellent opportunity for building self-esteem, yet the modern workplace also provides challenges to maintaining our self-esteem.
Yet, the modern workplace provides a challenge to maintaining self-esteem. There are several reasons for this, which can vary from workplace to workplace. But some common reasons the workplace can be difficult on our self-esteem are:
- The fast pace of work means we don’t always receive acknowledgement for our performance or contribution
- The demands on us for productivity makes us all feel like we can’t do enough
- We work incredible amounts of hours that encroach on our ‘downtime’ and restorative experiences
- Competition is fierce in many workplaces, making it hard to feel we’ve contributed if we aren’t ‘number one’
- We may be the receivers of aggression, rudeness, and insensitivity from others due to such a high-pressure environment
- Challenges that arise in cultural and age differences in the workplace can have some workers feeling unappreciated and others ‘outdated’
- In the face of such challenges to our self-esteem in the workplace, what can we do to help protect ourselves? Following are four strategies to help build your self-esteem at work.
4.3.1 Pursue Your Passions
One strategy is to pursue your passions every day – even if it’s only for fifteen minutes or over your lunch break. Take a few moments to read a favorite book, research your next travel holiday, or touch base with a friend you haven’t talked to in quite awhile. Do the same outside of work – make time to watch that old foreign film you’ve been meaning to see, take a stroll through an art gallery to broaden your view of the art world, or work in the garden planting flowers or vegetables for the coming season.
Take a few moments out of every day to dedicate to something you are passionate about – both at work and at home.
In your work, find something new that you can learn about it. Even if you can dedicate only a few moments a day to learning something new about your job, it can help you to find the passion that you once had for it. Viewing work as a learning experience keeps your mind fresh and allows you to be pleasantly surprised by a job that you may have felt was old and stale.
4.3.2 Track Your Efforts
It’s natural to forget what we actually accomplish in a week’s time. We all do more than we realize, but we tend to just accept it as second nature and stop noticing it. A great way to help build your self-esteem at work is to keep track of what you actually achieve. Think of it as a personal ‘report card.’ Take a piece of paper and write it down whenever you give 100% effort to a work task. Try to write down at least three each day. At the end of the week, you’ll have 15 different reasons to be proud of yourself for that week.
We all do more than we realize, but we tend to just accept it as second nature and stop noticing it. You can build your self-esteem by keeping track of what you actually achieve.
4.3.3 Self-Esteem Bulletin Board
Another idea is to create a bulletin board or poster in your work space that details your achievements so that you can see a physical reminder of what you have accomplished. Create a space on a wall that you will see every day and include evidence like a letter from a satisfied customer, a copy of an award certificate, an email of praise from your boss, or a picture of your child graduating from school. You should put anything there that reminds you of the people who love you, the people you love, and the things you have achieved. You should be able to look at it and know that no matter what happens at work, you have a full, rich life and a lot to be proud of. Be sure to update the bulletin board periodically so that you don’t stop noticing your special bulletin board.
Create a space on a wall that you will see every day and include evidence like a letter from a satisfied customer, a copy of an award, an email of praise, or a photo of your child graduating from school.
4.3.4 Stop the Negative Talk
We all do it. We have that little voice in our heads that only knows how to say negative things. It’s our ‘inner critic.’ However, you have control over that voice. You want to learn to stop the unproductive negative self-talk and instead, focus on what you can do to move past the situation. Focus on how you can solve problems, make a better choice next time, or take any other kind of action that will help you focus on the positive rather than the negative. You can even create a STOP sign and post it on your wall so that every time you have a negative thought you can look up at it and say to yourself, “stop!” Then convert that negative thought into something positive. For example:
“I’m so stupid” becomes “OK, I made a mistake. Next time I’ll know not to do the same.”
“God, I’m hopeless” becomes “Right, what can I learn from this situation?”
“I hate this place” becomes “OK, so right now I’m not very happy with my job. But it will pass.”
Learn to recognize and respond to your ‘inner critic’ to stop negative self-talk.
Allowing negative thoughts to fester does nothing for your self-esteem and your ability to function at work. Instead, learn to shift quickly from the negative to the positive so you won’t get bogged down or beaten up by your inner critic.
4.4 Enhancing Your Self-Efficacy
There are four ways to enhance your self-efficacy that have been well researched and verified as being effective. These four methods come from research done on the treatment of those that are struggling to recover from physical injuries, but they can be applied to your work situation as well. They are:
- Skills mastery
- Modeling
- Reinterpretation of signs and symptoms
- Persuasion
4.4.1 Skills Mastery
The most effective way to build your self-efficacy is by mastering new or existing skills. The more often that you experience success, the more self-efficacy you will gain, and the more often that you experience failure, the more threat your self-efficacy will come under. In fact, repeated, early failures can have a detrimental effect on self-efficacy especially if it was not due to a lack of effort or severe, unusual circumstances.
The more often that you experience success, the more self-efficacy you will gain.
As you master more and more skills, you will find that you suffer occasional failure with much more ease because you know that another success is likely not far behind. When you prove to yourself that you have the ability to master a skill, you will tend to see occasional failures as less a factor of your own lack of skills and more a factor of poor or insufficient strategies. In this case, we see that by improving our strategy we can improve our results.
So how do you begin to build your skills mastery? Simply begin by breaking larger tasks into small, manageable tasks. Then successfully complete each smaller task. Remember that you are aiming for mastery at each smaller task, not just the fastest or easiest way of getting it done. Set a reasonable goal for when you would like to master each piece of the larger overall task and reward yourself as you achieve your goals.
4.4.2 Modeling
A second means of enhancing self-efficacy is to provide a model for what you are aiming to achieve. Look for someone in your workplace or even in your personal life who has had a similar problem to the one you are attempting to overcome or who is an example of behaviors you would like to emulate. For example, if you are seeking to become a better public speaker, look for someone who is an excellent speaker already. If possible, ask them for advice. Or pay close attention to what it is that makes them good at public speaking and attempt to do the same. If you can, find a mentor who is willing to work with you one-on-one to help you achieve your goal. They can provide inspiration and feedback to help you move towards your goal faster.
Look for someone in your workplace or even in your personal life who has had a similar problem to the one you are attempting to overcome.
4.4.3 Reinterpretation of Signs and Symptoms
In the research conducted on patients in physical rehabilitation, this method of building self-efficacy was meant to teach patients which of the signals they were receiving from their body in the form of symptoms were perfectly normal. In the sense of the workplace, however, you should be looking more at what signs and signals you are giving yourself. For example, feeling a high level of stress under high-pressure scenarios is normal. Instead of beating yourself up about it, creating a negative impact on your self-efficacy, recognize that it’s a perfectly normal reaction. Then take steps to reduce your stress so that you can keep moving forward.
Recognize that your emotional signals and symptoms are perfectly normal reactions to your situation, and then determine what you need to do to keep moving forward.
Another example is when you get angry, frustrated, upset, or experience some other negative emotion. Your emotional reactions, sometimes including symptoms like headaches, backaches, or stomach upset, are completely natural when you face upsetting situations. The key is to recognize that you are having the reaction but that it doesn’t need to stop you from doing your job and doing it well. Instead, you can acknowledge your emotions and your right to feel them, and still choose the action that will help you move forward in getting your job done. In this sense, we’re talking about a form of emotional intelligence, which is another skill that you can learn to practice.
4.4.4 Persuasion
Persuasion is the final method for enhancing self-efficacy. It is also one that will be familiar to mentors, teachers, trainers, and others who spend their time helping others to learn or improve themselves. In this sense, persuasion means the act of convincing someone that they are actually capable of doing what they have set out to do. The goal is to find interesting ways to persuade yourself that you are capable of achieving the goals that you want to achieve. Some ideas might be giving yourself a pep talk, reminding yourself of your related past successes, or asking others to tell you what they see as your strengths. You can find this kind of persuasion from others that you respect as well, such as a mentor or supervisor.
